Quiet(ude)

Perhaps one of the most remarkable differences I have found in myself since moving to Seville is how much less I speak. The reason is simple: I cannot speak fluently in Spanish, so I don’t.

Not surprisingly, only Spanish is permitted in the classroom. When my teacher asks a question I can feel the wheels turning in my mind, churning to place correctly conjugated verbs with the appropriate gender and number for each adjective, article or preposition. It’s a painful process with often humorous outcomes. As a result, even when I know the answer, I am hesitant to respond.

In turn though, I’ve grown to appreciate how much more I listen. I hear fellow classmates with similar struggles attempt to express basic Spanish grammar. I hear my own internal voice deliver the response – correctly, much to my surprise. But perhaps most importantly, I listen intently to the words spoken by my teacher. With time, words which were once too quick to understand are now deciphered at a faster rate.

Solitude also delivers quietude. My thoughts keep me company as I meander through streets, eat at local taparías, or skip through towns on the weekends. It sounds lonely, and yes, sometimes it can be, but mostly it’s not. For the first time in a long time I have time to think. My day is my own, and my future patiently awaits the passing of each day. It is a gift. I find myself weighing the pros and cons of future decisions (should I move to Europe? — just joking, mom!) then gently guiding myself back to the present (what does my body need today?). I have full liberty to eat, sleep, or read when I want. Best yet, I can stop into any shop I desire.

In discovering Andalusia, I have found more of myself. Truth be told, I’m quite fond of the woman I’m meeting: soy independiente, sociable, y simpática. Through it all, I am cognizant of the luxury life has afforded me. I am grateful to the One who gives without measure; to my family for supporting me; and to my friends for loving me on my not-so-glamorous days. I see your love. I hear you.